No. 4

the arms race of sound.

Lullaby, by Chuck Palahniuk.         

This is what passes for civilization.

People who would never throw litter from their car will drive past you with their radio blaring. People who’d never blow cigar smoke at you in a crowded restaurant will bellow into their cell phone. They’ll shout at each other across the space of a dinner plate.

These people who would never spray herbicides or insecticides will fog the neighborhood with their stereo playing Scottish bagpipe music. Chinese opera. Country and western.

Outdoors, a bird singing is fine. Patsy Cline is not.

Outdoors, the din of traffic is bad enough. Adding Chopin’s Piano Concerto in E Minor is not making the situation any better.

You turn up your music to hide the noise. Other people turn up their music to hide yours.

You turn up yours again. Everyone buys a bigger stereo system. This is the arms race of sound. You don’t win with a lot of treble.

This isn’t about quality. It’s about volume.

This isn’t about music. This is about winning.

You stomp the competition with the bass line. You rattle windows. You drop the melody line and shout the lyrics. You put in foul language and come down hard on each cussword.

You dominate. This is really about power.

and I suppose that is the explanation. the arms race of sound came from an excerpt from the very first Palahniuk book that I had read. bring from the music background that I am, it kind of just stuck and became a recurring theme in my thought process, because in a sense, I contribute to the arms race of sound. I turn up my music to hide out everything else around me, whether that be traffic noises or my own mind. the volume, the bass line, the lyrics. it's who I am.

as for the iamredefined portion of my name...well, that one is a story for a rainier day.
and since I suppose this is the end of the post, a quote shall follow.
I think it is quite appropriate that the quote come from Chuck Palahniuk.

the unreal is more powerful than the real. because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. if you can change the way peple think. the way they see themselves. the way they see the world. you can change the wya people live their lives. that's the only lasting thing you can create." Chuck Palahniuk 

No. 3

facts. explanations. simple enough.

1. I have obsessive compulsive disorder. it isn't an extremely over the top kind of obsession, but a few wrongs could lead to a bigger wrong (i.e. anxiety attack). at restaurants, I like to have a top on my cup if at all possible. I would prefer a clear top, but that usually isn't the case. it makes me antsy. driving down certain roads gives me anxiety attacks. I have an order of things to do when I go to sleep and they have to be done in that order or else I can't sleep well. people with incorrect grammar also give me anxiety. I am not entirely sure about this one, because technically, I have incorrect grammar due to my hatred of capital letters. that's number two..
2. I don't like capital letters. the only one that I really capitalize is 'I'. I can't explain this one, but I just think that little letters are...under rated. they never get to lead the sentence; they are followers. and I can relate to that.
3. homeless people fascinate me. even though they probably could get off the streets if they simply put a slight amount of effort into it, they do make for amazing photographs. some of the most stunning photos that I have ever seen are simple black and whites of homeless people. I believe that they are highly underestimated in their capabilities and if I could, I would help them all. but I am only one person.
4. music has more of an impact on my life than most humans ever will. my iTunes is probably the prized possession. it contains the inner-workings of my mind. the music may not be mine, but the playlists are... my form of creative outlet. they're my creations. for every situation that I encounter. and it doesn't matter what the situation is, I can find a song faster than I can find a human.
5. I do not like feet. this one is unexplained. I do not know the reasoning, but feet disgust me. I think the only person to ever have touched me with her feet and it not bother me is my grandmother. and I can look at feet...I just don't like to be touched by other people's feet. epitome of gross.

that should be enough for now.

maybe I'll play the fun facts game again at a later date.

and to end this one, I shall leave you with a quote from my favorite surrealist...

          "it is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." Salvador Dali

No. 2

profound. it seems simple enough. say something profound.
but what does profound mean? according to a quite random Google search, i found the following result:
       pro-found (adj.)
        1. situated at, extending to, or coming from a great depth; deep.
        2. coming as if from the depths of one's being

well, I don't know the exact deepness of my thoughts and feelings, but they seem to be coming from a pretty deep depth of my being. especially here lately when my entire future is starting to mold and take shape into something that I am so very not prepared for.

step number one in my future is to graduate. again. and while that seems simple enough, it is kind of discomforting knowing that I will be graduating from a program that I really had no intention of being in. my entire life plan of about six years (that was fully molded and just waiting to be put into concretions) was, in one form or another, rejected. that put a slight damper on the all inclusive "Life Plan" that so many people set for themselves. however, after many facial waterfalls (my pillow still has mascara stains from that one) and a mental reevaluation, I pulled myself together somewhat and conjured up a very quick back up plan. I am currently living out this said back up plan and I ask myself from time to time -and by that, I mean minute to minute- if this is what/where I am supposed to be. I really have no way of knowing this, but for now, it seems okay enough. I guess I will go about pondering this some more. and it very well may make a reappearance at a later post so don't be too caught off guard. we shall see what comes of it, I suppose.

another slightly less profound concept that has complexed (apparently, that isn't a word, but for all intents and purposes, we shall roll with it) me lately has been the word emotion. when i was a little girl, it was very hard to separate from my emotional ties, say to like my blanket or Power Ranger dolls or Barbies. but as I've gotten older, I have realized that my emotional ties are not so emotional. and that's concerning. I suppose that it is most concerning when it comes to friendships and relationships...I don't really know how to elaborate without coming off in some sort of ill manner, but I just think that I should have a little more feelings behind things. maybe my severe lack of emotion could be a good thing? it seems to be an advantage in situations thus far. but maybe it's not? I guess I will soon find out.

and I guess I have completed this post for the time being. I said things that seemed about as profound as I could conjure up sitting in this too quiet computer lab alone with my thoughts. it seems as though I should have a closing statement, like in a court room or something. so, I suppose that I shall start a trend among my posts -I will end each one with a quote that I think seems, wait for it, profound.

I shall start with one of my favorites and leave it be. enjoy.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Albert Einstein

No. 1

I don't really have a lot to say now. but rest assured, you'll be the first to know when something witty or remarkable or profound or miserable comes to mind. not to put any pressure on you, but I'm counting on you to be there whenever, wherever.